Guys don't call after the first meeting. Why a man doesn’t call: a man’s view and what are the reasons

Lydia Ratnikova was looking into why he didn’t call back after the date?

The dress was beautiful, the hairstyle was appropriate, the conversation was casual, the restaurant Caesar did not disappoint, nor did the bottle of dry red. In general, the date went well, the evening was a success and left pleasant memories. Now just be happy, worry a little and wait for a new call. And the phone has been so treacherously silent for days now that even my ears are ringing from the silence. Why?

Our expert

Olga Zavodilina

family systemic art therapist, business trainer, coach consultant, Moscow

What are you waiting for

Let's start with the question: is it worth waiting for a call at all as an initiative that supposedly should come from a man, or in the 21st century is it quite acceptable to call first? The verdict of both etiquette experts and psychologists is clear: if you want to call, you need to call.

Family psychotherapist Olga Zavodilina conducted a survey among men on the topic of who should call first. “It turned out that most of them believe that if a man took the first step and asked a girl out on a date, then now the feedback should come from her. And not receiving one, men most often conclude that the girl didn’t like something, she doesn’t want to communicate further, and therefore they themselves don’t show further initiative,” says the expert.

Therefore, Olga advises that after a date, think about what you saw, heard, felt and sensed. And if you were interested and comfortable, and you are ready to continue communication, it would be quite appropriate to report this. If you are embarrassed to call, send an unobtrusive message with words of gratitude for a good evening. “Such a message will in no way infringe on your dignity, but at the same time it will enable a man to take further initiative in communication,” Olga Zavodilina is sure.

In order to exclude a situation in which your sympathy is mutual, but everyone is waiting for initiative from the other side, it is better to show it. Of course, you can be proudly silent and think that he doesn’t call because he’s busy, sick or doesn’t want to rush. But the stubborn truth is that usually men don't call after a date because they simply don't want to continue. And the main reason why you should call yourself is the mandatory follow-up clarity without agonizing expectations. Your gentleman will either be terribly happy, or you will definitely understand that it was not and is not worth waiting for the call. And if the second option happens, it makes sense to think about what went wrong.

Strategic mistake

Our expert psychotherapist Olga Zavodilina discussed with men the reasons why a first date most often does not make them want to meet again. According to the psychologist, this happens when a girl goes to extremes, choosing one of two strategies:

Strategy “I am so incredible”

“The girl is trying to portray herself as very smart, incredibly educated, completely inaccessible,” says Olga.

- At the same time, her tension is felt, such behavior looks like a defensive reaction, so as not to let her get close to you under any circumstances. The young lady unconsciously challenges the man, competes with him in some categories that are clear to her. But the man came to the meeting with the goal of having an interesting, easy and pleasant time, and not to participate in a championship of wit or a competition of diplomas, income, cars and other achievements.”

“I’m so defenseless” strategy

“In this situation, the girl actively plays a naive fool, a victim, even a beggar,” says our expert.

Marketer Larisa (28 years old) shares her experience: “On the first date with Igor, I really wanted him to feel like a real man next to me, a fragile woman. When I said that I didn’t understand anything at all about Russian (!) cuisine and asked him to order for me, he was already surprised, but didn’t show it. Then I, with my mouth open, listened to his story about his trip to Turkey, although I myself had been there several times. And in the end I admired how well he tied his shoelaces. I definitely wouldn’t have called myself back after that, I would have suspected something was wrong. He didn’t call back either.”

Dance teacher Marina (32 years old) says that her excitement at the first meeting often manifests itself in a stream of sarcasm: “I don’t know where it comes from, but I suddenly have a witty response to literally every remark of my companion. One even admitted that it looked like I was trying to prove something, either my independence, or that I was too tough for him. Others just didn't call anymore."

True impression

If after the first meeting a man does not call himself and does not answer your message, it is probably not worth persistently calling and finding out the reason. How not to be offended, upset or draw too serious conclusions about your own inadequacy.

“Every date that does not continue should be perceived as a step that brings you closer to meeting the man who is truly yours,” Olga Zavodilina is sure.

“But, of course, it makes sense to think about what exactly in your actions you would like to change so that next time everything would be different.” To do this, the expert advises remembering what happened at the meeting. How do you see yourself there? Perhaps embarrassed, worried, tense or, conversely, overly active, fussy, arrogant? What do you need to behave naturally? Perhaps calm, confidence, lightness? Mentally add these qualities to yourself and imagine a picture of a new date, feel what you are like there, how you feel. Remember this feeling. You already have it all, you just need to add a little self-confidence. And for this it is important not to perceive the first date as the last chance in life.

“You simply study the person you are interested in, choose, look for the best,” says Olga Zavodilina. - To choose the perfect dress, we first consider it, then try it on, then think about it and only then buy it. So it is here: the first date is not the only chance to find happiness, but an opportunity to look, try on, compare and choose the best. Of course, this is the same opportunity for a man, so he will also get to know you. Remember your best qualities

, talents, abilities, achievements, feel that you have it all. And with these feelings of calm and confidence, go to the meeting.”

Work on mistakes

The first date is a learning process, so you should be more interested in the man and don’t be shy to ask questions. Of course, it's important that this process doesn't feel like an interrogation, so strike a balance, listen carefully, and don't forget to talk about yourself. Psychotherapist Olga Zavodilina recommends that at the first meeting you refrain from controversial topics, such as politics, religion, sports, health: “If these topics are nevertheless touched upon, be interested in the opinion of your companion, his preferences and what they are connected with, and do not try to prove your rightness. You didn’t come here to argue, but to get to know each other and enjoy communication.”

By the way, another reason why men are in no hurry to call after a date is often... a kiss. “The men among whom I conducted a survey unanimously do not approve of behavior in which a girl is ready to kiss on the first date with a barely familiar, even very attractive gentleman,” says our expert. - This looks at least strange and raises a number of questions from the man. And it often pushes us away in the future.” So if you are committed to a long-term and potentially serious relationship, you should not rush into kissing on the first date. And even more so, take the initiative in this matter. One missed call does not mean that you are doing everything wrong. It means exactly one thing - it was not your person. Yours is already walking somewhere nearby, and on a date with him you definitely won’t have to choose a strategy and think about topics for conversation. Everything will work out

in the best possible way

The first piece of advice is don’t impose yourself on your gentleman, don’t torment yourself that he doesn’t call. Your inappropriate behavior will not lead you to success; on the contrary, even if a man has mutual sympathy for you, he will try to stay away from a woman whose actions cause bewilderment and irritation. Let's look at why guys suddenly stop calling and writing after the first meeting, what male psychology is, what girls should do in such a situation, and whether it is possible to call first at the beginning of a relationship.

If he stopped calling and writing, what could this mean and how should he behave? He may remain silent for several days or a week for several reasons. Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out why your man is silent.

If you didn’t wait for the call after your first date, if the one with whom you have been together for several years forgets about your existence, if the silence lasts two days, a week or much more - in order to understand how to behave, you need to consider each case separately. The reasons for this may be different, and the advice on how a woman should behave will also be different.

Let's look at the main reasons why a guy stopped calling, and what a woman should do about it:

Silence after the first date. After a wonderful evening, you feel wings behind your back, you return home, full of happiness and plans for the future, but there is no call or message from a man either that day or the next. Most likely, a man will not call on purpose, since he needs a pause to understand and deal with his feelings. Psychologists believe that guys are often afraid of their own feelings. Men need time to decide on a relationship. This statement suitable only if the silence lasts a couple of days. If it lasts for several weeks, it’s hardly worth waiting for the man to return to your life.
Too many feelings. The result of the first date can be sad - the gentleman may be afraid of an excess of emotions on the part of the woman. It is difficult for men to express all their feelings at the first meeting, especially if they are just emerging. If throughout the entire romantic meeting a girl clearly expresses her love, dreams of what dress she will wear when she gets married, what she will name the children she shares with him, where to spend a joint vacation, the young man will prefer to stay away from such a decisive lady.
Not everything is so fabulous. Women are great at simulating pleasure in bed, and men know how to look interested and enthusiastic. If your last date turned out to be wonderful, fun, and memorable, it’s not a fact that the man thinks the same about your meeting. Maybe he was just pretending that he was interested in your stories about figure skating or the recently watched romance series. Remember exactly how your date went. Was it only you who spoke or did your chosen one sincerely maintain the conversation? What if you're the only one who's interested?
Recent quarrel. If you and a man had a serious fight, it is not surprising that he does not call or send messages. Usually, after a quarrel, men present themselves as victims, expecting that the woman will be the first to make contact. Many guys have an extremely negative attitude towards attacks from their partner, especially if they consider the cause of the scandal to be insignificant. It’s easier for men to lie low and wait for the girl to calm down. Loud showdowns are something that men cannot stand. If you are a fan of throwing tantrums out of the blue, remember that one day your partner will disappear forever.
He doesn't like phone calls. Some men don't like calling or texting. They prefer to communicate in person. Only a special need forces them to pick up a gadget. If you are planning a relationship with such a man, accept that his love is not expressed in missed calls or received messages.
Busy. Very often the phrase “was busy” is used as a standard excuse, but if you have fallen for a careerist, a responsible employee, do not be surprised that you have to wait a long time for news from him. His silence may be explained by unexpected difficulties, a lucrative contract, or important negotiations. In this case, remember that the chosen one threw himself into work, pushing other areas of life into the background.
Financial difficulties. Some modern girls have great demands in material terms. They are not attracted to walks in the park or reading poetry under the moon. They prefer to meet at the cinema, cafe, bowling alley, etc. Of course, this is very expensive for the gentleman, since a real man considers it his duty to pay for entertainment events. If you've only recently met, it's probably hard for a guy to admit to you that he's having money problems and can't afford to take you on a date to a place where you have to pay.
An ordinary womanizer. Unfortunately, this happens quite often. If you are faced with a womanizer, you can give only one piece of advice - to be more careful when meeting the opposite sex. He achieved his goal, you succumbed to his charm. With this his mission is over, he calmly goes in search of his next fan. It is unlikely that you will see or hear him again - second dates with womanizers are impossible. Don't waste time waiting for a call after spending the night with him. Having fed you with fairy tales about his successful and cool business, seducing you with walks on a yacht, riding in an expensive car (probably for rent), he forgot about you with a light heart, having received what he wanted. There is no point in him spending any more money on you.
Married gentleman. Having a legal spouse or permanent girlfriend is another common reason why you can’t wait for a call/message. Being in a long-term serious relationship, a man loses his hunter's instinct, he needs recharge. Flirting with an attractive stranger at a corporate party is not a reason to continue communicating with her further.
Lack of reciprocity. This option is suitable for a situation if you have just met. If after the first date a man does not call back, it means he realized that you are not suitable for him. Don’t take it too seriously, don’t consider yourself ugly, stupid, or uninteresting. Probably, the guy considered himself inappropriate for you, it seemed to him that your demands on men were somewhat too high, or that you simply had different interests and goals in life.

It happens that you can’t wait for initiative from a guy, but he always makes contact if a girl calls or writes herself. This behavior is explained by no fewer reasons than silence.

Calls periodically: what does this mean and what should I do?

If the first date is over, you communicate very rarely and by phone, then most likely, with periodic calls the man reminds him of himself and checks whether you are ready. Remember, for such a man you are just an alternate airfield. Don’t take his calls seriously, don’t create illusions.

Remember, you, like any other girl, deserve to be looked after beautifully, and not waste your time on your own relief from boredom. Keep periodic telephone conversations that are not followed by an invitation to a date to a minimum. Refer to important matters, interesting activities. Let the man know that you are not on his hook. This will force him to take decisive action or leave you alone. If the gentleman disappears from your life, it means that there was little interest in you.

How to behave in such a situation? Should you call first? It’s hardly worth taking the first step yourself. If a man is interested in you, he will dial your number himself. Always remember that this is not the only and not the last man in the world. Your independence from him will make him appreciate you. Don’t show your gentleman that all you do is spend days waiting for news from him.

Don't show your man that you're constantly thinking about him.

If he thinks that you have low self-esteem, it will give him the idea to use you. It will be convenient for him. However, love and respect cannot be obtained.

Any man wants his chosen one to be self-sufficient, positive, without being fixated on anything. A woman who is ready to run to a man at any moment, bombarding him with messages, cutting off his phone, will never be interesting.

Every guy has the instinct of a hunter; he likes to charm, conquer, catch up when people run away from him. If you run towards him, he will lose his taste for you.

Give up any thought of pursuing the object of your adoration! This is one of the most common mistakes among women. If there is no call, then the man has a reason. Don’t indulge yourself with stupid hopes and dreams, especially don’t throw hysterics. Breathe a sigh of relief that, thanks to his decision, you are free of a relationship that has no future.

Cases when this is possible

However, there are situations when you still have to call your gentleman first, but there are few of them:

You left an important thing with him. These could be apartment/work keys, documents, etc. To return what you have forgotten, do not sit waiting for his call, call yourself. But don’t manipulate, don’t invent such a reason to meet.
After the meeting he for a long time wasn't online. If a day has passed and the man has not appeared on social networks, although he was always online before, you can call and find out if anything has happened to him.
The date was not the first. In case of long and close communication, you can dial his number yourself. The gentleman who is interested in you will be glad of your initiative.

The main thing is to look at any situation objectively and don’t let your imagination run wild. No man in the world deserves you to cry over him and lower your self-esteem.

The main advice of all psychologists is to focus on yourself. If your boyfriend has disappeared and doesn’t want to continue communicating with you, don’t let depression enter your life. Make every effort, become more attractive, more interesting, so that the next man will be amazed by you.

Development. Come up with a new hobby for yourself: horse riding, yoga, felting wool toys, massage courses, painting, dancing - do what gives you pleasure.
Change of image. Most women are sure that a new style will change their lives for the better. Thanks to the change in image, they attract more attention. Brightness, well-groomed, beauty - such a woman is difficult not to notice.
Wardrobe update. An option not only to enhance attractiveness, but also to lift your spirits. Almost any woman will not refuse shopping. Buying a new dress, bright shoes, a radical change in style - do not deny yourself this.
Appearance. Maybe your chosen one has become less interested in you because the relationship has affected your appearance, you have become less well-groomed than at the beginning of the affair? Remember, men love it when a beautiful lady is next to them. Be beautiful, whether you've been together for two weeks or ten years.
Vivid impressions. Give yourself positive emotions - go to Thailand, skydive, go to a car race. Make your old dreams come true. This way you can come to terms with the breakup less painfully and get rid of bad thoughts.
Going out to people. Don't lock yourself within four walls. Of course, you can allow yourself to burst into tears while listening to a sad love drama, eating away your melancholy with ice cream or cake. But no more than one or two days! This way you can ruin your figure, and this is completely useless. Get off the couch, call your friends and move forward to new adventures!

“If a man doesn’t call, it means he doesn’t need it” is a fairly simple truth that every woman needs to learn. However, such an opinion is not always plausible and reflects the real essence. In this article we will figure out why a man doesn’t call. A man’s view of this situation will help every girl draw new conclusions regarding the stronger sex.

Desires - no, goals - no

It doesn't matter if you had one date or several. Women have one incredible feature that is not subject to male influence - the creation of an illusory world around themselves. While you have come to the decision that you are ready to date a man and build a serious relationship, your potential partner could change his mind and choose a suitable life partner.

Representatives of the fair sex can decide in a few minutes whether a partner is suitable for her or not. Men, on the other hand, can doubt, compare, choose and analyze for a long time. For the stronger sex, connecting your life with someone is a serious step that cannot be taken thoughtlessly and hastily.

What to do? This is the first one that doesn't call. The man’s view of this situation is quite simple: give him time. A girl shouldn’t sit idly by either. One call is enough to understand whether the chosen one is in doubt, or has completely cooled off towards you. If there is still a spark, then there is no need to impose or push. Learn to be patient and the wait will soon pay off.

If there is no fire, why call?

Representatives of the fair sex ask the question: “Why doesn’t a man call or write?” The man’s view of this situation is quite transparent - duty calls are not for him. Not every chosen one is ready to endure total control from a woman, answering calls every 15 minutes. For such men, as a rule, the telephone is a device with which they need to call emergency services or contact necessary person for the sake of an important and urgent matter.

What to do? Don’t impose yourself - you won’t retrain a man and you won’t be able to train him like a tame animal by teaching him to call you five times a day and exchange routine phrases. The guy will call himself when he has a serious conversation with you.

Playing on thin strings

Let's figure out why the man doesn't call. A man’s gaze is sometimes incomprehensible to the fair sex. Due to their naivety, girls sometimes do not notice the cunning game of cat and mouse. In this situation, you need to understand that the guy knows perfectly well that you are ready to reveal your soul to him, so in his eyes you are nothing more than a fragile but tasty mouse that needs to be played with before dinner. Such men behave confidently and experiencedly. They manipulate your patience and trust, deliberately ignoring the promise to call.

What to do? Don't forget about pride and self-esteem. Your man, who is ready to devote his whole life to you, will never play with you, and certainly does not want to see you in the role of a victim. Manipulators must be cut off immediately.

The truth is simple: he didn't like you

There is a simple answer to a popular woman’s question: “What could be the reasons why a man doesn’t call?” A man’s gaze shows the only truth: you are not his type and he does not see a future life with you. Let's be honest, self-confidence is good, but we shouldn't assume that we have to please everyone. After spending time on several dates, none of you can be sure that you will become a soul mate and live happy years with each other. Sometimes the first impression plays an important role, especially when one of the chosen ones has created an illusory image for you that does not correspond to reality.

What to do? If you are sure that this man was sent by fate, then you need to be assertive. Ask a representative of the stronger sex for a second date and give him a chance to look at you from a different perspective. If after this date the man does not call you, then you can safely continue looking for a new chosen one. Men, as a rule, are stubborn, and there is no point in putting pressure on them.

There's nothing more to wish for

It's no secret that every woman makes thoughtless (or deliberate) mistakes. As a rule, there is a simple answer to the question: “Why doesn’t a man call?” The man’s look suggests that after the first date the woman gave the man everything he wanted from her. Perhaps the chosen one was so attractive and interesting that you shared dinner and bed with him. The next day, as if by magic, the guy disappears and never appears in your life again.

What to do? The answer is simple: if this situation is familiar to you, then you should reconsider your priorities. Perhaps sex on the first date should be off-limits, even if you're looking at the most charming man in the world. As a rule, the stronger sex believes that if a woman gives herself to an unfamiliar chosen one, then this indicates her frivolity and availability.

Could be better

There is a main reason in psychology why a man doesn’t call. The man’s view is quite simple: he just didn’t like the sex. It doesn’t matter whether coitus happened on the first date or a few months later. This situation is divided on two fronts: the man is dissatisfied with you and was not fully satisfied; the man blames himself and believes that he could not satisfy you. In any case, a representative of the stronger sex does not admit this to a woman; it is much easier for him to ignore calls.

What to do? Calm down and analyze the situation. You will be lucky if a man is frank with you and admits what exactly did not suit him. In other cases, you just need to remember all the details of the evening. Perhaps, in a passionate outburst, you did not notice how you hurt your chosen one, or during sex you thought only about your pleasure, forgetting to give unforgettable moments to your partner.

Pride above all else

Why doesn't a man call a woman? A man's gaze sometimes shows us his pride. If there is a conflict or minor domestic quarrel between partners, then it is likely that for the next few days you will completely ignore each other. Here the situation is also divided on two fronts: the man does not consider himself guilty and is waiting for the first steps from his lady; the man admits his guilt and is so ashamed that he cannot call and annoy the woman.

What to do? Analyze the situation. Sometimes pride can ruin a relationship, and any minor quarrel can lead to a breakup. Think about it, is the subject of the dispute so important, because of which you and your chosen one stood on opposite sides of the barricades? If not, perhaps you need to take the first step towards reconciliation. A girl must understand that she is often the instigator of conflicts and demanding regular apologies from a man for his partner is stupid. Try to take the first step, call your man, apologize. And then, when the relationship returns to normal, you can try to adequately talk and resolve the problem.

You are not the center of the earth

There is a clear opinion in psychology about why a man doesn’t call a woman. The man’s gaze proves that he simply does not need a representative of the fair sex. If you are dear to your partner, and he really values you, worries and cares, then he will always be able to find a few minutes in his busy schedule to notify you that he is busy and leave good news. The same goes for girls. If she doesn’t call, then you shouldn’t have false hopes and build illusions - your partner is simply indifferent to you. Rest assured, even if a man was kidnapped by alien creatures, his phone is dead, and there is not a single soul within a radius of 100 kilometers, he will still be able to warn you.

What to do? Be patient and set yourself “waiting hours.” Perhaps a representative of the stronger sex really had an accident and there is no way to contact you. This means that after some time he will definitely make himself known. Your task is to pacify the anger and ardor within yourself, not to let anger and hatred flare up into a blue flame. If a call from your chosen one exceeds the “waiting hours,” then most likely the man has simply lost sight of you. In this case, you just need to take a deep breath and exhale and realize that there is one less manipulator and indifferent partner in your life.

Darling, shall we play?

Many girls ask the question: “Why doesn’t a man call, what are the reasons?” The man's gaze shows that in nature there is a type who simply loves to play hide and seek. The rules are simple: today you spend a wonderful evening, and the next day the chosen one disappears, blocking all contacts. For several weeks you go through several stages of hatred, and when you accept the situation and come to terms, the missing partner miraculously reappears in your life and demands attention. This pattern can be repeated for a long time, and you can be sure that this circle will never open. Want to know why? It's simpler than you think: you are a convenient option for a man. He is like a free cat, he comes when there is not enough affection and attention, but also suddenly disappears when he misses other hands.

What to do? Don't have false hopes or make plans. A true man who will make you happy will always be by your side, and he doesn’t need any games. Say "No!" manipulators and gamblers.

The real truth

Now you know why a man doesn’t call or write to a woman. A man's gaze is not always pleasant and sweet. However, being of a conscious age, you must understand that pride and pride can save you from unnecessary ballast, which certainly cannot give you real happiness and love.

Learn to accept the truth as it is, even if it is bitter and unpleasant. There are no reservations - you either inspired a man or you didn’t. If a representative of the stronger sex likes you, then he will give you all the jewels of the world, wrap you in silk and give you a gift. when a man needs it. Love yourself and respect your feelings, then you will be able to meet a worthy person who matches you.

We all know that if a person is crazy about you, he will call you right away. But if he didn't lose his head at first sight, that's still no reason to put out his claws and arch his back at the very beginning of the game called romance, says Harvard graduate, best-selling author of relationship books and professional matchmaker Rachel Greenwald.

Loss of self-control begins when a woman expects a call from a man after a great first date, but he does not immediately contact her. She becomes manic, gaining the power of a tornado. By the time the guy writes, she will already be angry as hell. Maybe he’ll start playing with him: for example, he won’t answer the call right away, he’ll leave him a message on his home phone, knowing that his gentleman is now at work, and he’ll try to make him jealous. Men say it's not very attractive.

Eager bachelors (as well as single girls) tend to have abnormally busy schedules and hectic lives: they juggle between work, friends, family responsibilities, training, volunteering, and hobbies. And, let's be realistic, they probably have a few more candidates in mind. Yes, you know from your own experience how difficult it is to manage everything and see everyone. So what if he doesn't call right away? Of course, he hasn't fallen head over heels in love with you yet. But the men said that relationships that start out slowly can then pick up speed. It will take time (and patience) to wait until you become the most important thing in his life. Men who don't call you back right away are at the same risk as workaholic women who can lose a guy due to constant time pressure. By the time he calls, you may already be dating someone, but if you are still free, there is no need to show coldness, because the chance for happy development has not yet been missed.

Sweets shop

A good guy is like a kid in a candy store: he is surrounded by temptations. You yourself may be among them. It's like the reality show "The Bachelor" (or "Free Girl") on TV. Put yourself in the place of a man who finds himself in the company of twelve women, and they seem to be interested in him: so there is no need to be offended if he hesitates in making a choice.

Aaron, a forty-four-year-old cardiologist from Tulsa, Oklahoma, admitted that he has “plenty of options.” Despite all his vanity, during a telephone conversation he seemed nice person, not one to brag. A mutual friend introduced me to him for an interview. According to her, he is “such a wonderful guy, and everyone wants to marry him.” Aaron recalled a fantastic first date with Jessica, whom he had met the year before. At the end of the date, he promised to call soon. The next week was crazy for him: six operations and two night shifts. He also admitted that he had two blind dates that week, planned before dinner with Jessica. Aaron thought about her and hoped to meet her again. He described his feelings as “very positive... not that I was head over heels, but I wanted to spend more time with her.” A week passed, and he finally had a free moment to call her. The man was unpleasantly surprised by her reaction: Jessica “sounded cold on the phone... she was definitely angry... It was probably because I didn’t call her back right away. She didn't say what I did wrong. But I picked up a negative signal.” They didn't have a second date.

A good guy is like a kid in a candy store: he is surrounded by temptations. You yourself may be among them.

I spoke with another King of First Dates, Leonard, a thirty-five-year-old consultant from New York, New York. A friend introduced me to him, saying: “Half of Manhattan is hunting for him.” During our conversation, Leonard described two independent, great first dates that didn't develop into relationships because he delayed. He called one a week or two later, and the girl sarcastically asked: “Who the hell is Leonard?” He tried to explain to another woman how busy he was, but she snapped: “I don’t give a damn.” I suggested that Leonard call back quickly if he liked the girl. The man laughed good-naturedly and said, “You think so?” Essentially, he waits so long before he starts courting, even if he really likes the woman because he can afford it. He has so many opportunities that if one woman shows coldness towards him, it will not make a difference. Okay, I know it's annoying and his whole situation doesn't sound very pleasant, but I believe that at some point a switch will flip in Leonard's brain. Suddenly he decides it’s time to settle down. Most of these popular kids end up getting married. If he is such a wonderful guy (as our mutual friend, who has known him for twenty years, told me), will it really take away from you if you answer his call pleasantly and save the chance for a second date? I'm willing to bet that the woman Leonard calls after a long silence and who doesn't show her resentment will end up with him as his eternal possession.

If a guy is popular, he may not call for a long time because he can afford it. He has so many opportunities that if one woman shows coldness towards him, it will not make a difference.

Comment on the article "How long to wait for a call after the first date"

What’s the problem with just going somewhere and thinking about your health...interim calls...and that’s it. Polite and non-binding

12/17/2017 16:03:54, Loamsa

Calling a girl and simply saying that you are busy takes a couple of minutes, and you can always find time for it. If a guy made an appointment and suddenly couldn't, he had to call back and reschedule the meeting, no matter how many other options he had. These guys are boors, they are unfamiliar with basic politeness, who needs them? I suspect that they are in great demand only until the first delay.

09/11/2016 16:21:46, Nalella N

Total 7 messages .

What are they thinking?

First of all, it is worth saying that many men do not take telephone conversations as seriously as women. They may simply not know what to talk about and feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. And in general, it may not occur to them that you are worried because he has started calling less often. Well, what if we're talking about about calling after the first date - in general, everything is complicated and there can be many reasons.

Sometimes financial problems also interfere: a call involves inviting a girl to a decent place, but there may not be money for this. So the guys are delaying the moment, waiting for the next salary, so as not to lose face.

But most often, sadly, guys don’t call back because they simply didn’t like the girl. You can prove to yourself and others for as long as you like that everything went great, young man There may be a different opinion on this matter. And this happens, alas, precisely after the first date.

It doesn’t matter whether the guy confessed his love to you on a date, admired you and swore allegiance to you - these are just words. And you should pay attention only to actions. Believe me, many men are capable of saying the word “I love” to seven different women on every day of the week. They simply lack a moral barrier, a responsibility to this beautiful word.

“I love, I adore you” - these are the words. Calling and asking for a meeting is an action. Do you feel the difference?

"Good" reasons

Quite low, but still a chance that the man did not call back important reason, There is. This is just a spoonful of honey in a barrel of tar, but in life there are such cases:

He lost his mobile phone and cannot call you back;
He accidentally erased your phone number and cannot remember from memory;
He believes that he behaved incorrectly on the date and is afraid of scaring you off even more;
His hands are swollen and cannot touch the phone buttons;
He urgently left the city, the country, without having time to warn;
He is seriously ill and lies under an IV, in a cast, etc.;
He died

As you can see, there are many reasons that can console your offended pride. However, any man who really liked a girl will overcome any of these points and find a way to contact her. Except, perhaps, the last one...

Do they have no time?

IN The eternal excuse “no time” is also just a trick. A man can delay the time of the call for a day or two. But if he doesn’t call back within three days, forget about him.

Don't try to justify the behavior of a guy who doesn't call you, don't come up with reasons. If a man likes a woman, then he will contact her from anywhere in the world, from space, from the other world! Even if in an hour he has a coronation or a meeting with aliens, he will find an opportunity to call the one he cares about.

Busy work, a lot of clients, problems at home - these are such trifles when a person is truly in love. It’s a myth that he doesn’t call you because he’s busy. Just forget about this man, this is not your prince.

Is it difficult for him to take the first step?

Do you really think that men are such touching, naive creatures that they are not able to take the first step towards your relationship? It doesn’t matter how timid a man is by nature: if he really wants to communicate with you, he will get it.

Men are hunters by nature. They are ready to move mountains in the name of a beautiful lady. And over all the millennia of human history, this quality has not changed. Men are driven by a special passion, the desire to get their woman, to prove their leadership.

They are able to want and achieve your favor by any means. Or not want to. And this can happen after any date, not necessarily the first. For men, everything is simple: if you don’t like a woman, you stop calling her.

Why doesn't the turtle fly? Because he doesn't want to!

Why doesn't he call after the date? He just doesn't want to. A guy may have an interest in business, a favorite hobby, or lack of time. If after the first date you suddenly do not become more relevant than other interests, then he may not call back. Why should he waste his time if he doesn’t see any reason in your relationship? Just looking for sex? Do you need it?

Perhaps he was just bored with you, or perhaps you do not meet his ideals. It is impossible to please everyone. Well, God bless him - that means he has ceased to interest us, right? We are women, not sex machines.

No matter how good-looking you are, no matter how beautiful your inner world– you are not immune from simply not being liked. Almost every woman has experienced this at least once in her life - she just didn’t arouse interest on the first date.

It's not the end of the world yet. The world is full of other cute guys with whom you can make a pleasant acquaintance.

Expensive little thing

There is a type of woman who demands only the best for herself. More precisely, not the best, but expensive. Already on the first date, they expect nothing but luxurious restaurants and expensive attentions.

Firstly, not every man can afford it. Secondly, even very wealthy people do not like to be promoted. If you consider such things obligatory, then do not rush with your demands too quickly, otherwise you will scare away the potential gentleman.

Any man appreciates a woman’s attitude towards her beloved, in sorrow and in joy, in wealth and poverty. As soon as he feels that you are much more interested in his wallet than his inner world, he will change his mind about calling you and building a serious relationship. You may not immediately notice the problem, but if a man begins to call rarely, think about whether this is the reason?

Miss Inaccessibility

Another common reason why he doesn’t call or write is your inflated opinion of yourself. Sometimes girls with a very attractive appearance put on their faces a mask of complete inaccessibility: “who are you to be next to me!” This position rarely leads to anything serious - don’t be surprised why that beautiful woman you looked at with contempt all last evening didn’t call you.

Even if deep down such a girl dreams of a guy, the expression on her face repels the opposite sex. You've probably noticed that among beautiful women Are there more lonely people than simpletons?

There are many more guys who follow ordinary sociable girls: they are constantly invited on dates and wooed. While the unapproachable beauties with the face “don’t come near, otherwise I’ll kill you” are completely alone.

And even if a man decides to go on a first date, then this mask of superiority and indifference kills all intentions in him to continue acquaintance. Isn't it time to change your mask, and at the same time your character?

Hurry up...

Sometimes the first date ends with the first sex. Very often this sex becomes the last with this partner. What did you expect? After sex, a man's head turns on and he begins to think. Unfortunately or fortunately, sex alone is clearly not enough for a relationship.

Men are conquerors by nature. If they got everything they wanted on the first date, then why should they meet with you again? There is a famous saying: “Every woman deserves sex, but not every second.” So is it any wonder why he doesn’t call after sex, which happened on the first evening? Rarely do such relationships continue.

Having formed a rough idea of your moral principles, a man is unlikely to want to see you as his permanent girlfriend. After all, if you just made contact with him, can the guy be sure of your fidelity? Will you share a bed with another man during quarrels, his absence, etc.?

There is nothing to blame the guy for being callous and inattentive - even if the sex was amazing, a man is more interested in finding a new object of passion than in conquering something that does not require conquering.

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rules. Perhaps some successful marriages begin with such free dates. But still, this is very rare. A man must sincerely and devotedly love a woman before this meeting, so as not to be disappointed in her behavior.

Online dating

Nowadays it is very fashionable to make acquaintances via the Internet. In the vastness of the RuNet there are a great many social networks, dating sites, special chat rooms. Many young people are generally perplexed as to how their parents and grandparents used to find each other without the Internet.

What could be simpler: you find guys in your city, look at photos, study information about their interests. After a short conversation, you can meet in a nearby cafe and start a romantic acquaintance.

However, such acquaintances are rarely successful. How many people have you met who post bad photos on their profile, talking about the problems and shortcomings of their character? This happens extremely rarely, if at all. Some even turn to professional photographers and arrange expensive photo sessions for the sake of a dating site.

Even if you were online all day long, communicating with your chosen one, if you felt like kindred spirits, it is not at all a fact that you will like each other when you meet. If you are even a little different from the image that you created for yourself on the site, then the guy may not call you back; this happens quite often.

You can spend hours listing the people you know who met online and are living happily ever after. There are exceptions to any rule; it is far from certain that you will be lucky too. By the way, in reality, rarely anything comes of such relationships. The good old method of dating “in real life” still works. At least you will both know each other's pros and cons, and that's worth a lot. And you don’t have to guess why your chosen one didn’t call.

Should I call him first?

There are times when a girl, enchanted by a first date, can’t stand it and calls first. What usually happens? The guy apologizes for not calling back, cites a lot of things to do, and vows to contact her in a couple of days. After he remains silent again, the girl calls him back a couple more times, but the guy answers more and more reluctantly, he has more and more things to do, and now he doesn’t pick up the phone at all. And the woman sits and wonders - why didn’t you call? In a word, it is rare that such an attempt is successful.

What's the result?

Wounded pride, depression, resentment towards the whole world. Although, you should only be offended by yourself. You shouldn’t take the initiative away from men; you won’t achieve anything with your annoying calls. It's rare that a man likes annoying ladies. If he liked you, you would have met a long time ago, regardless of his affairs. And so, one can only guess why he didn’t call.

You will only flatter his vanity and become a lower rank in the “man-woman” relationship. You don’t even need to be conquered, you yourself are ready to run after him at the first call.

So is it worth humiliating yourself and calling first? The answer is obvious: of course not! If it’s so difficult for you to resist temptation, erase all contacts on your mobile phone. If he calls you back, you will have time to write down his phone number. It will even be pleasant - you will pick up the phone, not suspecting that it is him. With your calm voice, you will show that you weren’t really expecting the call and save face.

If you're unlucky and a man doesn't call for some reason, don't despair. You shouldn’t endlessly punish yourself, worry and become depressed. You will definitely meet someone who will love you and be by your side. And then, you will have absolutely no time for empty worries about phone calls, because you will be busy with real relationships.