The article will tell you about the basic rules for maintaining a conversation and offer you phrases, questions and words for its development.

How to learn to maintain a conversation with a familiar and unfamiliar man, guy, girl, in a familiar and unfamiliar company, on VK on any topic?

Communication with a man is significantly different from conversations with friends. Likewise, in the opposite case, flirting with women should be different from male discussions and arguments. In order to win over your interlocutor, you should know some of the subtleties and secrets of flirting. Psychological techniques aimed at “tuning a man or woman to your wavelength” and arousing his sympathy will also come in handy.

Basic Rules:

  • Talk to the point. Simply put, any conversation you have should have a clear topic where everyone can express their thoughts. You should skip all unimportant and unnecessary details so as not to look stupid and not waste the time and attention of your interlocutor. Leave emotional and furious statements for your girlfriends or best friends, behave with restraint, choose your words beautifully.
  • Eliminate negative topics. Every day a person is bombarded with a lot of negativity from the news, TV, newspapers and people. Let your conversation with a man be light and cheerful, capable of distracting him from all the problems of the world around him. Try to be the most positive interlocutor and in the eyes of your “object of passion” you will be a real “ray of optimism”.
  • Thoughts instead of impressions. It is a reasonable and interesting speech that can attract attention, but not emotional “explosions” on various topics. At the same time, remember that no one likes a know-it-all and try not to show your interlocutor that you can be much smarter than him.
  • Interests of a man. Try to be respectful of the interests and hobbies of your interlocutor. If you are not familiar with a topic, ask questions, trying to find out as much information as possible about it.
  • Avoid "drama". Don’t criticize, don’t “put your two cents in” into every thought, don’t interrupt, don’t blame, don’t show your “storm of emotions” if the topics of conversation move you.
  • Avoid long and boring stories. Such conversations can become very boring and the interlocutor will want to “escape from you” in any way. During monologues, pause, paying attention to how they are listening to you. If the other person is lost in thought, abruptly change the topic.
  • Avoid “sick” topics. Every person has those stories and life situations, which he would not like to remember and discuss with others. If the conversation touches on something “boiling,” try to distract yourself with other conversations, because this is much better than “picking up old wounds.”
  • Watch your interlocutor's reactions. This is important, because it is by these signs that you can determine the level of his (her) interest in you. In case of a fiasco, change topics or ask questions, pay attention to certain things, remember mutual friends. Loud conversations. It is very important that your voice is not obnoxiously loud and attracts more attention than the topic itself. You should not speak too quietly so that the interlocutor constantly asks you again and clarifies. Pronounce every word clearly, work on your diction and your voice, and do not speak monotonously.
  • Conversation balance. You must be on an equal footing with your interlocutor: talk a lot and listen a lot. But also remember that not every person wants to be listened to; many people like to be listeners themselves.
How to find a “common language” and start a beautiful conversation?

Conversation-Stimulating Questions: List

There are also situations when common interests and topics are simply lost, giving way to silence, awkwardness and bad impressions. Questions to keep the conversation going will help you avoid these “negative moments.” Familiarize yourself with them in advance and have them with you “just in case.”

Questions to keep the conversation going about work:

  • Do you like what you do?
  • How did you achieve your success?
  • Have you ever had strange or unusual assignments at work?
  • Would you like to change the position?
  • They say that every 5 years you need to change your type of activity, what else would you like to become?
  • What was your first job or part-time job?
  • What advice would you give to those taking on your work for the first time?
  • Do you have anything to strive for professionally?

Questions to keep the conversation going about entertainment:

  • Do you like read? Let's talk about books? What have you read lately?
  • What applications and programs on your phone would you not do without?
  • Let's talk about music? What are your preferences and tastes? Have you been to any concerts?
  • Who do you relax and have fun with in your free time?
  • Let's talk about cinema? Do you like to go to cinemas or download movies at home? Do you watch TV series? Which?
  • Are you registered in social networks? Which ones exactly? How active a blogger are you? Do you post a lot of photos? Why and why? What are your goals?

Questions to keep the conversation going about food:

  • Are you a foodie? What do you like to eat? Do you cook for yourself?
  • If you could eat one dish or one product for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  • Have you ever eaten unusual food? What was it?
  • What does your breakfast usually look like?
  • What food disgusts you?
  • What places have you tried the food at? What do you think?

Questions to keep the conversation going about travel:

  • Where do you like to relax? Taking a vacation?
  • Where do you dream to go? Do you have a dream country?
  • Would you dare (decide) to hitchhike?
  • Are your weekends usually boring or busy?
  • Do you like TV shows about travel? Which one is your favorite?

Questions to keep the conversation going about your personal life:

  • Have you always lived here (city name)?
  • Do you have any abilities or talents?
  • How did you study at school: good or bad? What subject did you like?
  • Have you ever experienced incredible events in your life?
  • Did you have a role model in life that you always looked up to?
  • How would you describe your character?
  • Do you like pets? Do you have someone or maybe you want to have someone?


Phrases, words that support conversation: list

A good conversation is a beautiful conversation, full of beautiful and wise phrases, quotes and artistic remarks. Support and “infuse color” into the dialogue with loved ones and strangers Specially prepared phrases will help you.

Phrases to keep the conversation going:

  • You speak beautifully, you can sense logic and thinking.
  • Your speech is rich and interesting, you probably have a higher education.
  • Thank you for telling things like this interesting stories, they are worth a lot!
  • It's so interesting to listen to you! I enjoy!
  • You are an excellent conversationalist and this is captivating.
  • Thank you for cheering me up today!
  • Next to you, I forget how old I am and who I am.
  • When you talk about your travels, I feel like I’ve been there!
  • You are an interesting person and this is your main advantage.
  • Surprisingly, you not only look good, but also speak well!
  • I like your style, you dress well!
  • Teach me to look as good as you!
  • Nice weather today, so relaxing and so inspiring.
  • This walk makes me so happy, like a child.
  • This evening evokes associations with me from childhood, when I walked (walked) in this park with friends.
  • I wanted to watch a movie today, but our meeting turned out to be much more interesting.
  • How I want to forget about all the problems and prohibitions and do what I really want. Do you think this is normal?
  • I can listen to you and look at you for hours!
  • Let's take a photo together? I want to keep this day in my memory!
  • How I would like to be in a seaside restaurant on the beach right now, agree!
  • You smell delicious, it's so attractive!
  • I look at you and it seems to me that we saw each other a long time ago and after that an eternity passed.


How to properly maintain a conversation, conversation, communication: tips

What is important in maintaining a conversation:

  • Experience pleasant emotions towards a person. If you like a person, you like talking to him. Express your sympathy and the interlocutor will automatically open up to you.
  • Don't interrupt. Try to monitor and control your speech, and even in those moments when you really want to say something, listen to your interlocutor to the end and only then speak out.
  • Look into the eyes. No matter how banal it may sound, it is precisely this feature that characterizes you as a good interlocutor, interested in conversation.
  • Smile. A sad face always evokes negative emotions, and therefore your happy face will inspire your interlocutor and leave him with pleasant emotions.
  • Keep your distance. You should not move too far away from your interlocutor and do not shout so that your phrases are clearly heard. A conversation that is too “close” can be ambiguous.
  • Be interested. Diligently maintain conversation topics, ask questions, listen, discuss.
  • Look for common interests. Find out as much information as possible about your interlocutor and tell about yourself, find common topics, mutual acquaintances and hobbies.
  • Be polite. Do not try to saturate the dialogue with swear words, rudeness and vulgar jokes - this will spoil the impression of you.
  • Show all your advantages. If you are talented, talk about your achievements and hobbies. Offer to try drawing, singing, dancing together. Ask about your interlocutor's abilities.
  • Keep quiet about your shortcomings.“Leave everything negative and bad for later.” If necessary, you will always have time to clarify some issues.
  • Support. If your interlocutor opens up his soul to you, complains or gives advice, try to listen to him carefully and sympathize with him. Don't tell his secrets.

Video: “4 ways to start a conversation”

There was a time, on the pages of the site you learned: “How to enter the role of Stirlitz and master the skills of collecting “indirect evidence” and “reading between the lines.” “Spy games like this are absolutely legal and more than justified.” Now we are mastering the role of Stirlitz in his personal life, because it is more important than work.

The advice you received from the book “How to Get the Information You Need from Someone at Any Time: Secrets of Interrogation from an Intelligence Veteran” by James O. Pyle and Marianne Karinch will, of course, not reveal secrets of national importance, but will teach you how to structure a conversation with your interlocutor in this form so that he involuntarily gives answers to your questions.

"There are two things people won't give you for free: money and information," said Mr. Pyle, who served in the U.S. Army, the Army Intelligence Center and the Pentagon's Joint Intelligence Agency. In his book, he tells the reader that during a conversation a person needs to ask “control” questions, the answers to which you already know. Such questions will help you understand: “a person is lying to you, or he simply does not know, or does not pay attention to it,” says the author.

There are also “persistent” questions, which are necessary to ask about the same thing, but in a different interpretation. These questions “will help probe the issue of interest from all sides.”

It is important to remember that you should not conduct the conversation in the form of an interrogation. There is no need to let the person know that you want to learn some information from him; on the contrary, “your goal is to obtain measured information during the conversation,” the author advises. This means that you must also provide certain information about yourself, reacting with interest to your interlocutor’s remarks. Here are specific situations for the correct conduct of a conversation from an intelligence expert.

How to find out from a girl on the first date whether she plans to have children?

This is a rather delicate question and should not be asked “head-on” on the first date. In this situation, you can advise saying something about yourself and seeing the person’s reaction. For example, if you want to find out whether your interlocutor was married, then simply say that you were married and look at his reaction. “A person’s eyes will tell you a lot,” says James O. Pyle. Carefully observe how the person reacts to your statement, compare this behavior with when you do not touch on personal topics during the conversation.

Regarding the issue of children, the author of the book advises using a “third party” approach. If there is a child nearby, you may exclaim, “Oh my God, look how cute the boy is!” Of course, you won’t get an exact answer to your question, but you will definitely find out the person’s attitude towards children: “Yes, but children have no place in expensive restaurants” or “Yes, I myself have two little daughters and I really miss them.”

Does my colleague earn more than me?

It is rude to ask a person about his salary. But if you use a little trick during the conversation, you will easily achieve the desired result.

You can build a conversation like this: “If I could be half like you, I would earn twice as much as I do now.” So, you've launched your fishing rod. Now we are waiting for the answer: “No, I don’t earn that much.” Now you can carefully move on: “Well, at least you probably earn (...) thousands of dollars.” To which you will most likely receive the answer: “No, that’s too much for me.” We build the conversation further and state a very low salary level, to which the person will answer: “No, more.” Usually at this moment the interlocutor admits how much he receives. But even if this does not happen, you will already have enough ideas about your colleague’s income.

What does the nanny do with my child while I'm at work? Does she do what I ask of her?

If, for example, your nanny does not go on daily walks with the child, as you asked her, then, of course, she will not tell you about it. Here you will need various questions that will help you understand whether she is lying or telling the truth.

James O. Pyle advises in this case not to ask questions whose answers only imply “yes” or “no.” You can structure your conversation with the nanny as follows: “How did you go for a walk today? Where were you? What they were doing"? As research conducted by the FBI shows, a person will try to minimize communication or try to switch the conversation to another topic if he is lying: “Okay, we walked in the yard and went home.”

If you find this answer suspicious, continue the conversation further: “What time did you go out for a walk? What did you see? Who did you meet?" Then you can summarize the conversation and release one important detail or, conversely, add something that was not there. If a person does not catch the mistake and does not correct you, this is a sure sign that he is lying.

Perhaps during the conversation you will catch your interlocutor on the inconsistency of some facts. If you feel tension in a conversation, you should defuse the situation. You can temporarily turn the conversation in a different direction and say: “It smells so delicious! What did you cook for dinner? After some time, you can return to the previous topic again.

My parents are already quite old. I wonder how much savings they have in case they need constant care?

“My parents don’t even want to talk about their savings, let alone let me know what money they have or where it is kept. I don’t even know if they drew up documents for the right to use savings in the event of their death” - such questions puzzle many people.

In this situation, James O. Pyle advises the following: Tell your parents how much you love them and that you are very grateful to them for everything they have done for you. Then talk about how your neighbor had a stroke, but they couldn’t help her in a timely manner. medical care because she didn't register written power of attorney on your relatives. After that, say: “I want to ask you something, not out of curiosity, but so that I can help you in difficult times.” Then you can ask.

“I think it will work,” says James O. Pyle. If not, then say: “Why don’t we talk about this topic.”

In any case, your persistence will bear fruit. This applies to a five-year-old child whom you ask what he had for lunch and a prisoner of war who must confess. You just have to keep asking, “What else?” until the person says, “That’s all.” You need to be able to start a conversation correctly, and your interlocutor may not even understand that he is telling you the information you need. “You can’t force yourself to be nice,” says Mr. Pyle. “But you can cheat a little.”

Francine Rousseau journalist in "TIME", speaker, book authorThey"re Your Parents, Too!HowSiblings Can Survive Their Parents" Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy.

Based on materials from healthland.time.com

Darina Kataeva

Have you ever had the feeling that a conversation has reached a dead end? Are you uncomfortable in unfamiliar company? It seems that a minute of silence turns into a bottomless abyss between you? Then you should definitely learn the secrets of communicating and maintaining a conversation on any topic! Avoiding common mistakes and applying useful recommendations, you and interesting for the people around you!

Listen carefully.

Any interlocutor becomes a better person if he listens carefully! It seems that there is nothing complicated or special about it. However, you should reflect on how it is clear that you are a good listener? When we look or speak, it shows in our appearance, however, the way we listen is not reflected at all in our appearance. That is why it is important to listen skillfully and do it in such a way that the interlocutor notices from your look, habits, response words and questions that you are really interested in what he says.

However, it is important to listen for another reason. From the words of your interlocutor you can understand the other person's train of thought. This process is called the free information technique. People give it away completely unconsciously.

- Hello! Cool tan!

— Thank you, I went camping this weekend.

- Wow, I’ve never been on a hike... Where did you go?

As you can see, it is very simple, but after receiving free information you can easily change the topic and send it to the right direction. And although the second topic may exhaust itself, you will always have the opportunity to return to the first question that was raised.

Learn to extract useful information from the words of the interlocutor, and then it will be easier for you to maintain the conversation!

Analyze your interlocutor.

People love to talk about what they personally like. So your job is to find out what the other person would like to talk about. This will allow him to open up and begin to actively discuss a topic that interests him.

To determine what your interlocutor likes, find out:

Where he works?
What does he think?
What do you know about his family and friends?
How does this person like to relax?
What are his plans for the future?

Considering these important aspects of the interlocutor’s life, you can easily control the course of the conversation, while communication will bring true pleasure to both parties.

Avoid questions with a “Yes or No” answer.

These are direct questions that often elicit a direct answer. However, it would be wise to ask something that would get the person talking. At the same time, so that he speaks out or talks about his own point of view. In some cases, such questions are even worth thinking through if it is difficult for you to communicate with a certain person, but it is necessary.

Don't forget about world events.

If the topics for conversation have exhausted themselves, and you no longer have anything to talk about with your interlocutor, then raise a topic that is interesting to all people. Read or watch the news, follow what is happening around the world, and then your conversation will be exciting and without any embarrassing situations.

Leave the bridges.

It is important to use bridges to maintain a conversation. This technique involves the use of questions arising from the interlocutor’s previous statement. It is good to use the following words: “For example?”, “That is...”, “What do you think?”, “What do you want to say by this?”, “Excuse me?” In this case, the emphasis should be on the last word. It is noteworthy that this technique is most effective when talking with an uncommunicative person who gives short and monosyllabic answers to questions. Agree that the question “What do you want to say?” is difficult to answer in monosyllables!

If you use “bridges” in your speech, then do not forget to pause after them. This way the interlocutor will understand that it is his turn to speak.

Don't forget about body language.

Do you know the study by Albert Maghrabyan? He believed that people perceive only 7% of what we say and 55% of how we say it. This conclusion indicates what a strong influence . Therefore, your task in maintaining a conversation is to monitor your manner and habits. It is important not to cross your arms to avoid appearing withdrawn, arrogant, or arrogant to the other person. Relax! Your whole body should indicate that you feel calm, you are not tense and you are not worried at all! From time to time, you should even nod your head, which indicates your attentiveness and interest in the thoughts of the other.

Be sure to look your interlocutor in the eyes, because this indicates that you are attentive and you are interested in the topic that he is animatedly discussing.

Don't be afraid of pauses.

Pauses in conversation, especially with a new person, are a natural phenomenon. If by chance something goes wrong, don’t worry or be constrained! On the contrary, be confident in yourself and in what you say! This confidence is transferred to other people who will even want to get to know you better.

If there is a misunderstanding or you say something unnecessary, smile and continue the conversation as if nothing had happened. In some cases, stand with your interlocutor if you could offend him with a phrase.

Don't forget the encouraging words.

If your interlocutor tells you something with great enthusiasm, do not forget about words that would stimulate him even more. The following expressions work well: “I understand you,” “Continue,” “Really?” These are linking words that can be used to perfectly support a conversation without making much effort.

Once you get to know your interlocutor well, it will be much easier for you to maintain a conversation. The most important thing is not to think about yourself and your interests, worry about what might impress and please another person!

Top 5 mistakes in conversation

Professional vocabulary.

Think how interesting it is to talk with that person who is always “clever” and uses incomprehensible words! Would you like to continue or maintain the conversation in this case? This behavior is often regarded as bragging, which immediately discourages the conversation from continuing.

Dispute and criticism.

Nobody likes to be criticized! Therefore, you should remember this when conducting a conversation. But what if you don’t agree with something? Take the situation into account and remember that expressing an opinion and insisting on your own are two different things!

Repetitions.

People don't like to hear the same stories over and over again, so you shouldn't say the same thing over and over again. Don't repeat stories that are already familiar to others, because this will only irritate you!

Inappropriate handshakes or hugs.

Remember, not everyone likes to hug people they don't know! If you are open and sociable, then sometimes it is worth restraining yourself from showing this kind of emotion! Only when you get to know a person can you attract the attention of another in this way.

Avoid the listed mistakes and apply useful tips on maintaining a conversation, and then other people will consider you an excellent conversationalist!

January 24, 2014, 11:13

The practice of obtaining information shows that psychological factors play a decisive role in this process. In most cases, success here depends on the ability to establish psychological contact with the interlocutor and, in the process of communication, influence his conscious and unconscious areas of the psyche. Such influence is exerted for different purposes. One of them is to obtain certain information that he would not like to share with anyone. Based on practical experience, there are two main ways to obtain the necessary information.

The practice of obtaining information shows that psychological factors play a decisive role in this process. In most cases, success here depends on the ability to establish psychological contact with the interlocutor and, in the process of communication, influence his conscious and unconscious areas of the psyche. Such influence is exerted for different purposes. One of them is to obtain certain information that he would not like to share with anyone.

The general psychological basis on which it is possible to obtain information of interest is the theory of the unconscious. The term “unconscious” is used to designate such phenomena that occur in the human psyche, but are not conscious of it. The meaning of obtaining information through elicitation is to, based on the general patterns of the subject’s mental activity, encourage him to transmit information in one form or another. Since this subject, as a rule, does not want to consciously transmit this information, he must be encouraged to transmit it unconsciously.

Unconscious mental processes are a direct necessity for the normal functioning of the body. This reveals another function of the unconscious: it provides “unloading” of consciousness, which is reflected in the development of so-called “defense mechanisms” of consciousness. The meaning of defense mechanisms is that they displace or suppress all that information from consciousness that interferes with or contradicts a person’s activities and behavior in a particular situation.

If we turn to the psychological structure of the personality, then in its various substructures one can find many elements that are unconscious mental phenomena. For example, the main elements of biologically determined qualities - properties of temperament, inclinations, innate drives, etc., as a rule, are not recognized by a person. Many mental phenomena have elements of the unconscious. Stable elements of professional and life experience, as a rule, are not recognized by the subject. These are automated skills, abilities and especially habits. Many actions that are performed by a person repeatedly and have vital significance also remain outside of his consciousness.

Finally, certain character traits inherent in a person, his inherent abilities, are also not always realized by him. Often, in order to realize these traits, the subject needs certain circumstances that will reveal these traits as elements of personality. Sometimes a person is not aware of his abilities and they are revealed as his self-awareness develops in the process of practical activity. Consequently, unconscious phenomena are not the realm of something mysterious; These are ordinary mental phenomena, but have not reached the level of consciousness.

Based on general theoretical principles and practical experience, we can distinguish two main ways to obtain the necessary information:

    First- this is an inducement of the subject to involuntary statements of facts that are of interest to you.

    Second- inducing the person of interest to involuntary physical and expressive actions containing relevant information. Within these methods, one can identify a number of specific techniques with the help of which the necessary information is obtained.

Demonstration of specific items,“revitalizing” relevant images in the memory of the person concerned and prompting him to make involuntary statements. For example, to find out some aspects of the life of a person of interest or to start a conversation on political theme, you can use appropriate newspapers or magazines.

In general, it should be said that personal belongings of this person (toilet items, books, etc.) can be used as specific objects that prompt the interested person to make involuntary statements; objects belonging to this person’s loved ones, or other objects accessible to perception. The presence of such specific objects gives a double psychological result.

It goes without saying that reviving images of the past in memory is a fairly conscious process. As for statements, they are, as a rule, unintentional, in the sense that the person we are interested in, talking about his life, does not realize that by doing so he is communicating the information that interests you.

Necessary conditions for the successful use of this technique:

    the object chosen for demonstration must be associated with an object that would resurrect in the memory of the person of interest the events to be clarified;

    the demonstration should always be natural and justified by the specific situation;

    your actions and actions when demonstrating an item must be expressively justified.

It should be noted that the basic rule for using this technique is the following: the incentive to make an involuntary statement when demonstrating objects achieves its specific goal only if the person of interest does not realize that the given object serves as a reason for the statement.

Using a related topic of conversation. This technique generally makes it possible to conduct a focused conversation without resorting to asking questions. Such a topic revives a number of images in a person’s memory, inevitably capturing into its orbit images from the area of ​​forbidden information, that is, information known only to him. What should be taken into account here is not the list of possibilities, but the way of posing the topic itself, that is, the ability to ask the main question with leading questions and get an answer to it. Switching to a related topic can be done using a variety of neutral questions.

The essence of this phenomenon is that practically identical reactions occur in a person to all words that are similar in meaning, that is, they belong to the same logical group, and almost do not depend on their sound or spelling.

The main conditions for the successful use of this technique are as follows:

    the topic of conversation used as a related topic must be known to the person of interest and have a certain personal significance and value for him;

    the related topic should logically follow from the specific situation;

    the actions and actions of the person receiving information must be psychologically justified and expressively confirmed, that is, correspond to the professional and individual characteristics of the individual.

Methodological conditions for using this technique:

    a related topic should not be too close to the main issue to be explored, since otherwise it takes on the character of a poorly disguised direct question;

    the topic should not be too distant from the main issue being clarified, because this evokes a lot of other images and leads to statements that do not contain the information of interest.

Thus, using a related topic of conversation to obtain information of interest to you is to revive the impressions stored in the memory of the person of interest, to mask the real meaning of the related topic, and as a result to induce him to inadvertently convey relevant information.

Using the sense of significance of a particular person. People generally try to maintain and increase their self-esteem. By touching this feeling, you can ensure that the person of interest, defending his prestige, speaks out on an issue of interest to you. In targeted conversations, you can use a person’s desire to defend his point of view at all costs and increase his personal significance in the eyes of others. In this case, the existing relationship with the interested party should be taken into account. Taking into account how this person treats you, certain prerequisites are created for receiving information. These prerequisites include the following:

    the desire of the interlocutor to sincerely and selflessly help the partner. This desire is usually expressed in attempts to give specific advice, convince, etc.;

    a feeling of gratitude experienced in response to the actions and statements of a partner. Therefore, the interlocutor can provide information that interests us, considering his actions as a kind of return of a “debt”;

    the desire to surprise the opponent and cause him confusion. This factor is clearly manifested in the process of a dispute that affects the interests of both interlocutors;

    the need to receive a response from the interlocutor to one’s statements. This factor is of particular importance when the partner enjoys authority from the interlocutor. Sometimes, when they say something, they want to get advice or an approving response from the person they value.

All this gives reason to use specific techniques of this method when obtaining information of interest, such as appealing to self-esteem, showing indifference, “playing” on the interlocutor’s self-esteem and showing participation. Let's briefly look at these designated techniques.

1. Appeal to self-esteem. This technique involves praise, flattery, a emphasized expression of respect, great interest and attention towards the interlocutor. The technique is especially effective when communicating with vain and ambitious people. Appeal to self-esteem allows you to establish close relationships with such people and promotes the manifestation of sincerity on their part.

    You should always give a compliment before praising;

    when giving praise, you should adopt an appropriate facial expression and posture;

    It is better to emphasize the “advantages” of the person of interest by comparing him with his opponents. At the same time, you should know that everything is good in moderation, and this should not be forgotten.

2. Showing indifference. This technique is used when the interlocutor has a great desire to discuss the information he has, to bring up in a conversation news known only to him, to which he attaches great importance. Showing indifference to information that is important from the interlocutor’s point of view, neglecting it hurts his pride and thereby stimulates to the expression of additional data emphasizing the significance of this information.

    you need to sense in time that the person of interest is “overflowing” with information. This is certainly noticeable in the behavior of this person: he casts frequent glances towards the person to whom he wants to say something, cannot sit quietly in one place, and begins to gesticulate vigorously.

    At this time, you cannot impose your topic of conversation on the person you are interested in;

    a manifestation of indifference on your part can prompt this person to speak only in conditions of trust. This is recorded by the desire of the person of interest to be alone with you. In the absence of trust, an indifferent attitude towards this person will cause responses of this kind in him.

3. Use of emotional stress. In this case, emotional stress refers to a state of mental tension. In this state, a person’s control over his behavior and statements weakens. There are several stages in the development of this condition. Emotional stress occurs as a result of any sudden and strong impact on a person, exciting his psyche and disrupting normal orientation in the environment. The main stage is a period of violent experiences, poorly controlled actions and speech reactions. Emotional stress ends with a gradual transition to calm.

You can put the person of interest into a state of emotional stress by asking an unexpected question, making an inaccurate or false statement; report supposedly “important” information, show your knowledge of something.

4. Posing an unexpected question. This technique has two varieties. By asking an unexpected question, you can confuse the person of interest and convict him of something, for example, of deception. In the first case, this person may not be aware of the intentions of the interlocutor, in the second, these intentions are realized by him.

Conditions for successful use of this technique:

    an unexpected question should not be related to the topic of the present conversation;

The basic rule for using this technique: if the task is to expose or incriminate the interlocutor, an unexpected question should confuse the person of interest; if it is necessary to confuse him, then it is necessary to provide for this person a way out of this situation.

5. Inaccurate or false statement. By deliberately making a false statement or speaking incorrectly on any issue, we count on the fact that the interlocutor will want to clarify or supplement our statement. This technique is especially effective when communicating with emotional and impulsive people, who are easily unbalanced by distortion of facts. This technique is no less effective in relation to people who consider themselves “experts” or great scholars.

Conditions for the successful use of this technique:

    the inaccurate or false statement must relate to the area of ​​ideas that concern the person of interest at the moment;

    such an action should create a certain difficulty for the person of interest in the form of a struggle of motives: to say - not to say, etc.;

    the person using this technique must convince the interlocutor of the sincerity of his behavior.

The basic rule for using the technique: the falsity of the statement must be outlined basically correctly; only some specific detail of our information can be distorted.

6. Reporting “important” information. Using information that can change a person's mood helps direct the conversation and get the information you want.

Conditions necessary for the successful use of this technique:

    when selecting “important” information, it is necessary to take into account the dominant needs of a person and his individual psychological characteristics;

    it is required to be in a state of trust with the interested party;

    the source of information must have the necessary respect and authority in the eyes of the person of interest.

7. Showing awareness. This technique is used when some details of the issue and events are already known and you need to get Additional information. Skillful handling of even a few known details can give the person the impression that the interlocutor is fully informed and encourage him to reciprocity and frankness.

8. Planting false evidence. It has long been known that a person trusts ideas that arise in his own head much more than those that are presented to him by other people. Therefore, people experienced in psychology try to avoid direct pressure on a person, but prefer indirect influence on his way of thinking. To do this, they seem to inadvertently throw certain information at him, from which he must draw conclusions himself. The art of obtaining information lies precisely in the fact that with the competent presentation of certain facts, the object of your interest should draw exactly those unambiguous conclusions that you are counting on.

9. Creating the image of a “simpleton.” The essence of this technique is to deliberately belittle one's own mental abilities, to create a feeling of intellectual superiority in the target. As a result, a person loses his vigilance, since he does not expect any trick from the “simpleton” with whom he communicates. In fact, it is he himself who is the simpleton, not you.

Methodology for obtaining information of interest

Preliminary study of the interlocutor is, of course, one of the most important tasks methods for obtaining information. In practical terms, one should take into account those norms that regulate the behavior and relationships of people in the process of communication and significantly influence the process of obtaining information. Some of these norms are also determined by the national psychological characteristics of a person. These are also the character traits of the person we are interested in. You must correctly imagine which character traits of the person you are interested in can make it easier and which can make it more difficult to obtain information in a conversation. First of all, you should pay attention to the degree of his suggestibility and conformity, as well as such weakness of character as talkativeness. There are people who cannot keep within themselves a single thought that arises in their head, or a single piece of news heard from others. Until these people tell what they have to several people, each individually, they cannot be calm. This trait is often used and should be used in purposeful conversations that intentionally involve people who have similar traits. Knowing a person's character traits makes it possible to use people's vanity and ambition. Under certain circumstances, people with such character traits may take rash actions and statements only in order to attract attention to themselves and earn a positive assessment from another person.

It is also important to keep in mind that for most people, telling the truth is always easier than lying. Therefore, in situations where they have to tell a lie or hide the truth, many get lost and allow so-called “talks”, involuntarily expressing the truth, which must always be taken into account.

It is important to note the intellectual and speech abilities of the interlocutor, the features of his memory and observation. This helps to form a correct picture of the person and more objectively evaluate the data he reports. It is also important to know the degree of sociability of a person: how easily you can start a conversation with him, what position he usually takes in a conversation. The person’s mood during the conversation should also be taken into account. Events preceding a conversation can significantly affect the state of the interlocutor, his feelings, and his readiness to start a conversation and maintain it. Thus, various aspects of the personality of the subject of interest to us can lead to involuntary statements.

When making a final assessment of the personal qualities of the interlocutor, one should avoid prejudice and haste in forming an opinion. Bias interferes with a person's objective perception and leads to erroneous conclusions. In addition, there are cases when people who at first seemed withdrawn later turn out to be very pleasant interlocutors.

In order for a focused conversation to be successful, you must have sufficient general training to easily and naturally support the conversation and develop it in the right direction. Having erudition helps in conversations with people of different professions and interests, different social and age groups. General training and erudition should also include deep knowledge in the field of interest to the interlocutor.

Psychological preparation for focused conversations includes several components. One of them is the creation of an optimal psychological mood, which allows you to start a conversation without significant effort.

    In order to free yourself from tension and maintain your interlocutor’s readiness to communicate, you should distract yourself from the upcoming action and remember situations in which you successfully solved similar problems. It is important to mobilize yourself for the upcoming action and constantly maintain it.

    To others important aspect psychological preparation is to practice the optimal line of behavior in the upcoming conversation. To successfully obtain information, you should behave freely, confidently and even somewhat condescendingly in a conversation. The choice of course of action depends on the individual qualities, character and temperament of the person you are interested in.

    An independent component of psychological preparation for receiving information is predicting specific situations that may complicate the task: changes in the interlocutor’s mood, alertness, resentment, unfavorable emotional reactions. Good preparation for a conversation gives confidence and calm in a situation where there is practically no time left to think about a decision.

    Practice shows that the conditions of the conversation significantly influence its process. An “informal atmosphere,” a calm place conducive to casual conversation, and enough time for a detailed conversation help solve problems of obtaining information. Focused conversations are best conducted in an informal setting, when the person you are interested in is free from professional responsibilities.

    When entering a conversation, you should try to create a relaxed atmosphere. Starting theme should help as much as possible to establish psychological contact and allow you to further move the conversation in the direction that interests you.

    Attempts to obtain information without a previously established contact usually do not lead to the desired result. However, you should not excessively delay the initial stage of the conversation to the detriment of solving the main tasks of obtaining information. Dragging out the conversation during discussion general topics may also lead to undesirable results. After receiving the necessary information, you should gradually reduce the conversation to a neutral topic and continue the conversation for some time.

Yuri Chufarovsky,
Doctor of Law, Candidate of Psychological Sciences, Professor of the Department of Criminal Law Disciplines, Faculty of Law, Moscow Academy of Finance and Law.

Number of sources used in this article: . You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

The ability to get someone to tell you the truth is a very useful skill. This skill can help you in the most different situations(at home and at work). It will take a little practice, patience and confidence, but it is an achievable task that will help you get the hang of things. By showing the person that you are on their side, starting a conversation with the right intonation, and knowing the signs of a lie, you increase your chances of finding out the truth.

Steps

Show that you are on his side

    Don't press charges. A person is unlikely to trust you if you start blaming him. Stay calm and try to act neutral. There is no need to scream, hit the table with your fists and stand with your arms crossed - it looks intimidating. A person will be much more willing to open up to you if he feels that you understand him.

    Show empathy. Trust between people is built when you understand and empathize with the person. People will be more willing to tell you the truth if they know you won't judge them. Act as if you perfectly understand why this person acted the way he did.

    Pretend that nothing big will happen if the person tells you the truth. People often refuse to tell the truth because they are afraid of the consequences. But if you can minimize the seriousness of the situation, most likely the person will not lie to you.

    Tell the person that he is not the only one to blame. Help him feel that he is not the only one being blamed. If a person gets the impression that other people are to blame for an incident, he is more likely to tell the truth. The person is likely to withdraw into himself, knowing that he will have to deal with what happened alone.

    Offer the person your protection. Tell him that you will do everything possible to help him. Reassure the person that you are on their side and that you will try to do everything in your power to protect them. A person will open up to you if he is not afraid of you.

    Listen to his voice. The tone and timbre of the voice often changes when a person is lying. His voice may become slightly higher than usual, or he may begin to speak too quickly, in some cases you may even hear a tremble in his voice. Any change in voice can be a sign of lying.