27.01.2011

Many parents are familiar with the picture: a child trying to wash the dishes. He can’t reach the sink, the plate barely fits in his small hand... You sadly realize that the evening is not boring: the kitchen will have to be cleaned, the dishes washed again, and it is possible that you will have to buy new plates to replace the broken ones. Of course, the first impulse is to stop all this disgrace and scold the child for his initiative. Is this right?

Strategy and tactics are everything to us

You probably noticed that, starting from the age of two, the phrase “I myself!” appeared in your child’s vocabulary. He strives for independence, and this is not always convenient for you. The example with dishes is a special case. Something even more serious happens - for example, he pulls out his hand before an intersection in order to cross the road on his own, grabs a knife to cut bread... In general, each of us has a lot of similar examples. Well, what should we, parents, do with all this? Suppress initiative to protect your baby from danger? Or encourage his independence, so as not to later complain about the teenager’s infantilism, his inability to make decisions?

First of all, we must take into account that the age from two years in psychology is called the period of self-awareness. Your baby begins to understand himself as an individual. The notorious crisis of three years is not far off, when the main motive for his behavior will be negativism, that is, the desire to do the opposite. Along with self-awareness, habits are formed. Do you want your child to behave like a civilized person in adulthood? Then you need to clearly decide for yourself what to encourage, what to prohibit, what to scold for, and most importantly, how to scold. Develop clear tactics of behavior and do not deviate from it for anything!

Why scold

If your child’s independent actions are harmless to his health and safety (as, for example, in the case of dishes), do not scold him. It is clear that to eliminate the consequences of such “household help” you will need time and effort. But it's worth it. Believe me, an infantile teenager, who was once convinced that he is incompetent and is afraid to give anything into his hands, causes annoyance among everyone around him, including his own parents.

Of course, no sane parent will allow a child to cross the road on his own, grab sharp objects - in a word, do anything that could threaten his life and health. In this case, the prohibitions should be voiced in a categorical tone. In addition, each family has additional restrictions that are not related to a security threat. For example, you cannot take papers from your parents’ desk, you cannot touch the computer, tear books, etc. There are enough prohibitions. The main thing is that they are reasonable. And you should react to their violations immediately and never “give any slack.” And here we come to the very important issue education - how to react?
How to scold

We hope that corporal punishment is not in use in your family - there is no need to explain why it should be excluded immediately and unconditionally. You can, say, in response to a child violating a ban, deprive him of something (say, watching a cartoon).

We'll talk about what verbal punishment should look like. It must be said that few people know how to scold correctly. We are sure that many of you, after reading this, will grin - they say, great science! Surely we can scold him. But no!

Think about what it means to you to scold a child? Attack him screaming, shouting “What have you done! How dare you!”? We dare to assure you, it is ineffective, although loud. Firstly, there is zero information. It is possible that the baby will not even understand what he has done so terrible. Well, secondly, such aggression will not cause anything except retaliatory aggression.

We often observe how the parents of a guilty child literally throw accusations at him: “bad”, “disobedient”, “inept” and so on - the list can be continued indefinitely, here everyone behaves depending on their abilities and temperament. That's not an option either. You have probably heard, read in articles and books on psychology that if a person is told many times that he is naughty, he will eventually come to terms with it and begin to behave accordingly. So moderate your ardor. Remember - your personality is being formed before your eyes, and under no circumstances should this development be suppressed.

Criticism should be constructive

So, firstly, you need to clearly understand why you are scolding your child.. Because he tore the book? So explain to him, in as calm a tone as possible, why the book cannot be torn. You already explained yesterday, and the day before yesterday twice? We willingly believe. But believe me, it is difficult for a child to come to terms with prohibitions. Quantity will definitely turn into quality. Information voiced in a stern but calm voice, without shouting or straining, will sooner or later be learned. If a book is valuable to you, put it away from temptation. Place a children's book made of thick cardboard on the bottom shelf - it is both more interesting to look at and much more difficult to tear.

Secondly, if we're talking about that he did something wrong - he caused a flood in the kitchen while trying to wash the dishes, broke his mother’s knick-knacks while trying to wipe the dust, ruined a toy, and so on - your task is not only to explain what exactly is wrong, but also give a positive example, that is, show how it should be done. This is education.

Help your child form the correct good habits and don’t stifle his independence. Scold only for misdeeds and, by the way, do not forget to encourage when necessary.

Dedicated to loving and married couples.

Can a person not swear? - Maybe, why not? But he may not argue with himself. Try to imagine a person arguing with himself. Strange picture, isn't it? And funny :)

To have a fight, you need at least one more person! As a rule, and often happens, this person turns out to be someone from a close circle: husband, wife, mother, sister, etc.

Thus, when a second person appears, misunderstandings and clarification of relationships are a normal thing.

Some might object by citing examples of people who don’t swear “at all,” but they are most likely just taciturn or the exception to the rule. And who knows what is going on inside them? Sooner or later, these “quiet” or “exceptional” people take over and show themselves if “someone” goes too far in something important to them.

In general, there is not much good in the fact that we swear and get into arguments, but this is a process that is present in everyone’s life and sometimes there is no escape from it.

The question of disputes and abuse is this: is it true that truth is born in dispute? Yes, if the truth is born, but what if a dispute gives birth to a series of other disputes and proceedings? And how can you make a dispute productive if it cannot be prevented?

Let’s define right away that by a dispute between two people we mean: a difference of points of view on one issue, the absence of a single general picture of the vision of the situation, where everyone wants to show the correctness of their side. The greater the differences between arguing people, the stronger their emotional reactions, which develop into swearing. Thus, if we define a dispute as a difference of points of view, then in order to reconcile the parties it is necessary to find something in common that both disputants agree on.

However, arguing and cursing can not only be the result of different views, but also may be a consequence of the bad mood of one of the partners, a character trait, etc.

Let's try to derive some conditions for “how to swear correctly”:

1) Finding a way not to swear is the best joint decision! If you can avoid swearing, don't swear, spend this time productively!

2) When you are in a normal, ordinary mood, think about what you are usually offended by, because of which disagreements can arise more often (as if anticipate events with thoughtful steps that will allow you to get away from conflicts in time), in the same way, it is advisable that you understood your partner's side. Set the rules of communication in your family in advance, not at the moment when the argument has already begun.

3) Find a separate place to sort things out, don’t do it in the bedroom or a place that is pleasant for you, otherwise you will create a bad attachment, called an “anchor” in psychology, to the place (then, when you are in a good position in this place, unpleasant memories may emerge).

4) If it happens that you decide to debrief your partner, do it in private, why do it so that children, neighbors or someone else listens and hears you? Unless you deliberately create the image of an “Italian temperamental family.”

5) If you feel that you are starting to lose control - emotions are getting out of control (it doesn’t matter whether you are the initiator of communication or your partner) - go to another room for a couple of minutes, then return, having cooled down a little. You will never come to a healthy decision in an emotional outburst.

6) If the initiator of an unpleasant conversation is your partner (due to his bad mood, disagreement with you or character traits), speak openly, for example: now I’m not ready / ready for discussion, let’s reschedule the conversation, we’ll talk in two hours (during this time the person may cool down and/or forget about the subject of the conversation). Talk about your feelings if you hear something you don't like. Use the appeal, as for example, wrote A.S. Furry to his wife: “What a fool you are, my angel.” Those. If you can’t restrain your expressions, soften them: “What an inattentive, selfish person you are, Vanechka!” Use different voice intonations and facial expressions.

7) Communicate productively, clarify what you don’t understand. Don’t speculate for your partner: what he meant, might have thought, etc. Speak in short sentences and specifically, avoid ambiguity in answers and unclearly formulated desires; when emotions flow over the edge, it is not enough to hear you, especially vague arguments. Ask by asking the question: “what do you want”?

An instructive parable:

A knight walked through the desert. His journey was long. Along the way he lost his horse, helmet and armor. Only the sword remained. The knight was hungry and thirsty. Suddenly in the distance he saw a lake. He gathered all his remaining strength and went to the water. But right next to the shore sat a three-headed dragon. The knight pulled out his sword and with his last strength began to fight the monster. He fought for days, then he fought for two days. He cut off two dragon heads. On the third day the dragon fell exhausted. A powerless knight fell nearby, no longer able to stand on his feet or hold his sword. And then, with the last of his strength, the dragon asked:

Knight, what did you want?

Drink some water.

Well, I would drink it anyway...

8) “Love is the head of everything.” If people swear and quarrel, communication will be less painful if there is love. The presence of love does not free you from misunderstandings or any difficulties. We are all not perfect, but if you have respect and love for a loved one, a desire to understand him, and being interested in his opinion, you can find common right decisions. And then: “The truth is born in a dispute.”

9) If there is a third person in the dispute, then the third is always superfluous, leave such a dispute, you risk becoming a victim, a savior or a persecutor, where an “endless”, meaningless interpersonal game is launched through conflicting roles.

P.S. Communicate correctly and love each other!

9 useful tips how to swear correctly.

4.2 Rating 4.20 (5 Votes)

Every parent wants the best for their child. But no matter how much we would like to become an ideal parent for a baby, sometimes we still lose control and swear. Of course, this comes from the best intentions, since we want the child not to make our mistakes in the future and to be able to achieve his goals. But don’t always swear required action which will help correct the child’s behavior. And if it is used in raising a child, then only in such a way as not to harm the relationship. So, should you scold your child?

Is it possible to scold a child?

From a very young age, as soon as the baby begins to walk around the apartment, a time of worry begins in the family. The baby may stumble, hit himself, or knock over something heavy. And the circle of prohibitions is becoming larger and larger every day. Because children grow up so quickly. And this is where a fun life begins, when the baby is not allowed to: open cabinets, climb into bags of cereals, throw toys around, fight, bite, yell, throw tantrums and much more. But children, due to a misunderstanding that this cannot be done, continue to be hysterical, behave badly and do what their mother forbade. Such events can upset the mother and drive her crazy. Through fatigue, the mother raises her voice and punishes the baby.

When raising a child, it is forbidden to scold the child, shout at him or, in principle, show aggression. Such upbringing only traumatizes children and nothing good can be achieved by it. When children are treated aggressively, they begin to retain negativity in their memory, accumulate it, and then immediately splash it out on those who were nearby at the wrong moment, including their parents, for which they can get even more trouble.

As the child ages, he begins to imitate the behavior style of his family. And most often in the future he will raise his children the same way he was raised. Not because of desire, but because habits are adopted. The consequences of such a cycle can be disastrous.

Of course, you need to raise children with praise, if you manage to use it wisely. However, parenting with approval alone cannot always be successful. Even if the parents are very patient and the child is obedient, sooner or later situations arise when you need to tell the child that you are dissatisfied with his behavior and his results are far from the best. And in this case, the parent begins to think: should he scold his child? This is an unpleasant moment in parenting, and it is better to avoid scolding. But sometimes it is still possible, the main thing is to do it correctly, with caution. Since it is easy to injure a child by saying a phrase with the wrong intonation.

Is it possible to scold a baby?

Most often, children are scolded not because of their misdeeds, but because of their own fears and experiences. Under the age of 3, the child does not understand at all why mom and dad yell at him, spank him, or punish him. For a child, this is primarily stressful. He gets scared, hysterical, and perhaps even hits his mom or dad, thereby repeating the behavior pattern of his parents. It is very difficult to react to a child’s bad actions.

Psychologists advise trying to calmly explain to your child the danger of a specific object (hot mug, iron, etc.). You can use trial and error. Place the little one’s hand on the kettle (very lightly) and say: “It’s hot, it’s not allowed,” or on the iron and say the same phrase. This is how the baby remembers the association for the action and the word. And this word “Hot” will warn him of danger. The main thing is to do this with moderate emotions.

At this age, the child should not be scolded, but calmly warned about the danger. Each prohibition must be accompanied by a “stop” word, and in addition, choose an alternative for the child. For example, “You can’t touch the hot kettle, you can use your toy one.”

When a child reaches two years of age, you need to explain to him why this or that cannot be done. It is important to create clear boundaries for the safety of the child and others.

Children over two years old are already easier to understand their mistakes. A child from three years old understands when he is doing wrong and knows that he can be punished, but at the same time it is important to choose his words carefully, since he still will not be able to perceive swearing, but explanations of why this is not possible will be the best solution

Reasons why it is better not to scold

  • Misunderstanding

If this is a child under the age of 4, he simply does not understand the parents' feelings that they are upset by such behavior. Children at this age can only admit their mistake if it is pointed out to them correctly. Only after 4 years does the child begin to understand the way adults think, but this is a very slow process, and until the child has achieved at least half an understanding, selfish demands appear. And this cannot be corrected by swearing.

  • To avoid being scolded, he uses deception.

Thus, Michigan scientists confirm that it is easier for a child to admit to what he has done and that it is bad if he knows that an adult will not swear and will praise him for his confession. Children fear scandal more than punishment. If an adult praises the child for being honest, this will help build mutual trust.

  • Swearing hurts grades.

The more and more strongly parents scold a child for his grades, the less desire he has to correct them. If parents scold and lecture a child for grades from the first grade, then as a result, as the child reaches adolescence, the child may turn out to be a rebel. And this can lead to bad company and an unhealthy lifestyle.

  • Children get tired of emotions too

With the help of food, especially sweets, people cope with stress, both adults and children. If you scold a child, perhaps he will reach for something tasty once, twice. And the more depressed he is, the more he will eat. So the child can type very quickly overweight bodies. Emotional overeating has a very bad effect on a child’s health; during adolescence, he may develop acne, wrinkles, and this will be especially difficult for girls to bear. So one problem leads to another. Also, sweets should not be given as a way of encouragement or taken away as punishment.

  • Children can be smarter at some things

The thing is that children more often notice factors that adults do not see. But age does not always affect the mind. Therefore, the idea that adults, due to experience and more mature age, know more is not always confirmed. A child may think immaturely. But they are more actively studying environment. And they see the picture as a whole better than an adult.

Psychologists say that swearing is an almost desperate attempt to point out a mistake to a child. But more often than not, it is precisely because of such a breakdown by the parents that the effect turns out to be the opposite, and the child still does the wrong thing. The task of parents at the moment of such emotions is to find a point of support, calm down and then talk to the baby calmly.

Why do we scold children

Most often, we do not notice how we scold a child unreasonably for the fact that they are children. Scold them for breaking a mug or plate, because at a young age their little hands are not yet strong enough and they have no dexterity at all. Before school age, all the child’s mistakes are associated with his fragile physiology and psyche.

Very often, the cause of swearing is not the child at all, but the adults themselves:

  • Mom is tired. Dad is tired. Of course, we understand that a child is not yet able to do some things without carefully breaking or spilling anything. But when a person is tired, especially after a working day, he wants to throw out his negativity. And then you come across a child who did not “mischief” on purpose. And it doesn’t matter that we ourselves put the plate with the cake on the edge of the table, and the child just accidentally touched it without noticing
  • Mother Sloth. When the process of upbringing takes place, it becomes boring to repeat the same “no” to the child every day. And a child can get lost in the game and forget about it. As a result, the mother has to clean up after the baby, and she begins to get angry and swear. But the problem here is that children's memory has not yet been formed. And the fact that he forgot even the most important should not be surprising. It’s better not to be lazy and remind your child of the dos and don’ts when he plays this game again.
  • No time. Parents should always have a couple of minutes to spend with their baby. You can put the series aside, not sit and chat with a friend, but play with your baby. After all, some children try to attract attention through pranks.

Why scold a child

Some children fully understand that what they are doing is wrong, but forbidden fruit... Therefore, if a child consciously does something that is forbidden to him, then you can point out his bad behavior. Such moments would include: a fight with children, if the child deliberately offends others, draws on any surface in the house, screams and rushes around the house, when asked to wait an hour while dad sleeps before the night shift, etc. If after a couple of comments the child does not stop “bending his own stick,” then you can become a strict parent for a while.

At the same time, it is important to understand that any punishment must be justified, criticism must be constructive, and there must be no aggression in words. It is worth explaining to the baby what he is doing in a not so calm, even voice, without resorting to shouting and, especially, offensive words.

Before scolding, pay attention to the child’s condition and mood. Perhaps he is hungry, he was offended and in this way he behaves to attract attention. As soon as he calms down, his health will improve. And after the child has corrected his misbehavior, praise him for trying to change his behavior. Surely with this approach he will not repeat the previous mistake.

Why you shouldn't scold children

Do not scold your child if:

  • This happened by accident. The kid could have done something bad by accident. And swearing won’t fix it and certainly won’t teach him to be more careful. This will only lead to the child hiding his wrong actions.
  • Tries but fails. Don't act like a boss. The child may not succeed the first time. He will also have bosses in his life (teachers, boss at work, etc.). You just need to be a loving and understanding parent who gives care, praises, and supports.
  • The child does the same as you. If you create rules, then let the whole family adhere to them. He simply won’t understand why you can do it, but he can’t. This is unfair for children.
  • If the child does not do what you would like to see among his abilities. You will love your baby regardless of whether he can fulfill your dream and become a drummer instead of you, whether he has the hands of a pianist or not. You should not try to make a child into someone you did not become. He must have free choice.
  • If he wanted what was best. Scolding your child for doing something wrong while trying to please you is, at the very least, wrong. Reassure your child and find an alternative solution.

How to properly scold for an offense

When parents are nervous and scold their child, it is unfair. You need to learn to take control of your emotions. The best way is to sit down and relax. Or get distracted by music.

The nervous state is primarily affected by fatigue. And it’s difficult to think soberly at such a moment. It is especially difficult to cope with fatigue, not physical, but psychological. For example, when you have an important meeting ahead and your thoughts are all about it. At such moments, the brain rests only at night. But in such a situation, cursing would be an unreasonable blunder.

To properly scold a child, also remember that you should not lash out at your child if someone else makes you angry. It is not the child who is to blame for your mood, but someone else. And the child simply turns out to be nearby, he is defenseless, he cannot answer, he cannot fight back. Try to solve problems outside the home or turn off your negativity when you see a child. If you feel like you want to snap, then think about the consequences first.

Therefore, swearing should be specific, to the point. Don’t cross the line (you can’t give up, you can’t call people names either). The child feels everything more acutely. And therefore, you shouldn’t use screaming as a defense of your space either. Under no circumstances should you scold in front of other children or adults. The conversation should be in private, calm and balanced.

When others scold a child

Raising a child does not only happen at home and from parents. He is brought up in the garden, and at school, and even in the cinema. And partly in Russia, raising children involves public intervention. But if parents accept comments about them and about their children, then the child may well feel parental insecurity. Because a parent must be an adult for the child in every sense

If a teacher scolds your child in front of others, you should stop it immediately. The conversation should be individual. It is unpedagogical to scold someone else's child in front of others, and even more so to scold parents. The conversation should be calm, the teacher can give advice and show how to do it. But all in private and without shouting. It’s better to protect your child from other people’s negativity; not everyone knows how to raise them correctly.

Path to peace

One of the most the best ways avoid quarrels, swearing and bad behavior - pay attention to the child. Give your child at least half an hour each day. Do something together with your child, something he likes. Follow the child, the point of this method is that you accept the child’s conditions.

Such a game will show the child that he is valued, paid attention to and his self-esteem becomes stronger, he becomes more balanced, since he no longer has to fight for the attention of his parents. The effect of such a game will begin to bear fruit within a few days.

How to replace swearing

It’s not difficult to replace swearing when it is so badly needed. You just need to use your normal, everyday tone. Even if you are upset, try to talk to your child calmly. Relieve the tension that is tormenting you.

This is quite difficult to follow, but you can practice. Every time you want to lose your temper, try to use your usual intonation.

If swearing becomes commonplace, then it is adults who must prove themselves wise and change their behavior style. Children and adults always have something to strive for.

Parents' mistakes during quarrels with their children

  • We focus on personality, not actions.

But it should be the other way around. In no case should you tell a child for a mistake: “How bad you are, I don’t need such a child!” This hurts children. He needs to understand that it is not he who is bad, but the very act that he committed.

  • The child is to blame, not the adult

During times of strong nervous tension or irritation, they accidentally begin to be scolded for something for which they are not to blame. Sometimes the blame falls on the parent, but the child receives for it.

  • Show that a parent is better than their child

You can't show your child that you are better than him. This develops an inferiority complex. This can cause deep psychological distress. When others try to do this, you need to support the child and say that all people are good and unique in their own way.

  • To punish by depriving one of the promised

This method helps to put the baby in his place. But in this way we cultivate a sense of self-interest in the child. And if during adolescence he does not receive what he was promised for his corrections of mistakes, he will accumulate anger and resentment towards his parents. And this will not improve relations.

  • Aggression in education

The child applies the aggressive behavior of the parents, even if it was caused by a loss of control, on himself. And then he thinks that this is the norm. In his understanding, the one who can shout, speak rudely, and beat is stronger. In childhood, this may not manifest itself because the child cannot fight back, but in adulthood everything can change.

When raising our children, we can make many mistakes, no one is immune from them. In this case, psychologists advise taking on the role of the child. Before you say or do anything to your children, say it to yourself. And then the question: whether to scold your child will disappear on its own. In a tense situation, it works well. And trying to avoid swearing as often as possible will also affect the child in positive side. Try to use a calm tone and avoid making the most obvious mistakes, and your child will have a happy childhood.

Children's whims, their bad behavior and pranks sometimes bring the internal indicator of parents' anger into a state of activity. Moms scream, dads scream. As a result, the problem, as a rule, does not go away, but the nervous system of adults has already suffered, as well as the child’s psyche. Maybe we should look for reasons? Is it even possible to do this? Perhaps the child’s behavior is not so bad and does not deserve aggression? Or maybe it's just you? A little advice on how not to yell at a child, and whether this is even possible.

You probably scold yourself every time you yell at your child. And again you ask yourself the question “Why am I now raising my voice at him?”, “Why am I bringing my most beloved person to tears?”, “Am I doing the right thing?” If a child is playing pranks for the sake of pranks, that is, obviously deliberately causing you suffering, then you should contact a child psychologist - here constant conflicts will only aggravate the situation, and the psychologist will help you sort them out. Well, what if it’s by chance? Due to age? Internal state? How to stop constantly swearing?

How not to yell at a child: reasons from the child

Have you ever thought about your behavior? For example, you wash the dishes and break a mug. Silently you collect the fragments and, with the words “this is for luck,” throw them away. But if your child drops the same mug, then in many cases the following will follow: “Why are you walking here?!”, “Be careful,” “I asked you not to touch my things.” This happens without finding out the reason, without trying to restrain yourself, without taking into account the randomness of the situation, and simply the fact that your child is still too young to be dexterous and skillful like you, he has not had time to learn to be as attentive as possible.

Apart from age, there are other reasons why children's behavior deteriorates and they are unable to control the consequences of such disorder.

You're asking too much

If your personal achievements are great, this does not mean that you should expect the same from your children. In addition, beyond expectations and persistent insistence on achieving the goals you set can break the child’s psyche, as a result of which he will no longer receive trust. He gets nervous about failure and behaves badly, venting negative energy. In this case, the dilemma of how not to yell at a child rests on your own ambitions - you cannot equate your abilities with those of another person, especially a child.

You are raising incorrectly

Too strict or too soft, you indulge too much or react inappropriately, you yourself are unable to restrain yourself in a number of cases, you practice constant monitoring of every step. You can analyze your pedagogical approach - imagine that you are your own good psychologist.

Excessive child fatigue

And he is unable to contain her. If he goes to kindergarten or school, then to extracurricular activities, to compulsory education in the evening, and then to sleep and again in a circle, do not be surprised that you suffer constant breakdowns. Fatigue spoils the mood even for an adult, but what about a child! Unload it, give it more time for personal matters and rest.

The desire to show one's “I”

Almost every child goes through personal development through conflicts. For some, they are unnoticeably ordinary, while others are faced with notes “I left home” or a toy thrown at you. A parent needs to become an ally of his child; one cannot shout in vain. Want an extreme hairstyle? Please support. If you suspect bad habits (swearing, smoking), try to help him assert himself in something useful. An excellent option is sports, improving skills in your favorite activity. Finally, get a dog and let him walk it.

Conflicts at home

If parents often raise their voices at each other, it is strange to expect the child to be obedient and diligent. A lot depends on the atmosphere in the family - you shouldn’t shout at each other in front of your children, don’t set a bad example, because this can have one serious consequence in the form of a broken childhood.

Such heredity

As child psychologists often say, to whom parents complain about their children’s rebellion, character is built from the building blocks of ancestors. Yes, it is individual for everyone, but most likely, if you think about it, you will find a lot of similarities in the child’s behavior with you in childhood or with your grandparents.

Children often behave badly when they are sick. The cause may also be mental trauma (divorce of parents, moving, change kindergarten or school, loss of a loved one). Perhaps the baby cannot cope with something (build a castle, thread a lace, and much more), which makes him nervous and acts ugly, even shouting at adults. It would be right for parents to figure out the cause of the problem before they start yelling at the baby or, even more so, physically punishing them. You cannot use force on a child just because he didn’t finish the soup or dropped a vase - instead of not restraining yourself, figure it out first.

How not to yell at a child: reasons from parents

When your nerves are frayed and your child suffers, it’s unfair. Just take control of your condition. Sit down, relax, ask yourself a few questions.

Firstly, fatigue can affect your nervous state. And then, no matter what the baby does, it will seem to you that he is wrong. Psychological fatigue has the greatest impact. For example, you are preparing for an important meeting, thinking a lot, making action plans. When you come home, you immediately go to the kitchen to feed your family, and additionally mentally analyze the day. Rest comes only at night. You may agree to exhaust yourself, but as a result, incontinence and unreasonable yelling at a child is a mistake.

Secondly, anger at another person may very well be to blame for constant swearing. You get angry at your colleague, your mother, your husband, but you lose your temper and yell at your child. Really, who else should I lash out at?! He can’t answer, fight back. Solve the problem of your relationships outside the home and family hearth. At the very least, you should learn to restrain yourself and turn off thoughts and emotions in relation to the sources of aggression when you are with your child, think about the consequences.

Thirdly, the tendency to scold and shout at a child may be due to a feeling of guilt towards him, as psychologists assure. For example, you carefully monitor your baby’s health, but he has a cold. Your hyper-responsibility makes itself felt, you are indignant about what and where you missed. Hence, the nervous system suffers, and you show your anxiety by shouting and blaming, unable to contain your resentment for your “professional incompetence,” and you are puzzled as to how not to yell at your child.

Fourthly, psychologists often note that many parents, especially mothers, after the birth of a child change their lives, limiting communication with outside world, denying yourself the same pleasures. Anger arises at the child; subconsciously he is perceived as a burden, a burden. Just learn to relax, find the strength to leave your baby in the capable hands of grandmothers and nannies, and live a full, healthy and beautiful woman. A happy and contented mother who will not scream for any reason without thinking about the consequences will be much more pleasant for the child.

If you scold your child often

Imagine that you are nervous system will constantly be affected by various factors: they will either drive you crazy, or bring you to tears, or offend you. The child's psyche is so vulnerable that the slightest wrong step can lead to its irreparable distortion. By scolding a child with regularity, for no reason or reason, you risk attaching many complexes to him and making him a withdrawn person in the future.

Children take screaming and swearing literally; at a very young age they are not able to really criticize the behavior of their parents. The thought “If they scold me, it means I’m bad, I did something wrong” comes into play. And so from time to time, day after day. They feel inferior, incapable and pathetic. Look for compromises, improve relationships. If you can’t do it on your own, consult a psychologist. It is important to find out for yourself in time how not to yell at a child and influence his condition.

Rules for quarrels: how not to yell at a child

Observe important rules when you scold a child for something:

  • The punishment must be justified. The reason for the swearing is conveyed to the child in the most accessible form.
  • When punishing, it’s best to use general phrases like “You can’t do that,” “It hurts people when they get hit,” “If kids fight, no one is friends with them.” By getting personal, you risk hearing insults directed at you.
  • Don't scold your child in front of everyone. If the conflict occurred on the street, speak quietly, as if in secret from others around you. You should not come home and demonstratively inform the rest of the family about the conflict that has occurred.
  • Communicate as equals. The child must be given the opportunity to speak out and prove that he is right. You shouldn't fight and say you're right because you're older or because you're mom or dad.

In the end, I would like to note that the very fact that you began to think about how not to yell at a child speaks of your sincere desire to correct the situation, to learn to get along with the child. Start with yourself, study your habits. Maybe you are setting a bad example by talking rudely on the phone, throwing things in a fit of emotion without noticing it. Improve the atmosphere in your home, create comfort. Those parents who seek and know how to find a compromise have happy and psychologically healthy children.